The 4 Paths To Success (the One That Gives You Happiness)
You can achieve great successes in life but being happy every day is perhaps one of the most desirable. There are as many paths to success as there are human beings.
The feeling of success or failure is fundamental in our lives. A kind of invisible judge seems to be evaluating what we do or do not do. It is a subjective feeling about personal worth, although most of the time it is based on the opinion that others may have of us. There is also usually a component of self – criticism.
The concept of success has, as we will see, multiple aspects. The simplest and most widespread is to consider that whoever manages to have a lot of money or social recognition is someone with success. Other valuations such as fame, the applause of the public or victory, being able to beat a competitor are joined here.
From this point of view, the stereotype of the “winning ” person, fixed in our imagination through the cinema and television commercials, is the finance mogul, the fashion actor or the elite footballer. These seem to shine in their distant Olympus, while the common people dream of approaching them, be it through a good business or a stroke of fortune.
The success that does bring you closer to happiness
Ralph Waldo Emerson defines the subject with simple clarity:
“Success consists in obtaining what we want. Happiness, in enjoying what you get.”
Indeed, desire is the engine of our actions throughout life, from birth to death. Having projects and legitimate ambitions is a good thing. Like feeling satisfaction at having reached a goal, big or small.
The problem arises when deciding which wishes are really important or are convenient for us, also when experience shows us that it is not always enough to want something and work to achieve it. We must take into account our own limitations, as well as unknown factors that can stand in the way or smooth it (luck, fortune).
It is good to accept life as it comes, with its good and bad moments. Because life is what we have in front of us and we have to assume it. Only from that acceptance is it possible to fight for what is desired. Cultivating these four attitudes will help you achieve this:
1. Take care of the basic goals
Vedanta, one of the oldest systems of wisdom, summarizes the desires or goals in the life of the human being like this:
- Security (Artha). It includes everything from basic needs such as food and shelter to the desire for wealth and fame. Everything that avoids the feeling of insecurity, of not having enough protection.
- Pleasure (Kama). Look for pleasant sensations and avoid those that are unpleasant. The range of possibilities is very wide: gastronomic, erotic, aesthetic, recreational … More elaborate psychological aspects are added to instincts. It removes us, even momentarily, from suffering.
- Ethics (Dharma). Acceptance of rules of conduct. Not all wishes are legitimate, it depends on the intention and circumstances. It is not right, for example, to harm others to achieve our goals. Both secular ethics and religious morality include this aspect.
- Liberation (Moksha). It refers to the spiritual dimension of life, feeling free from the bonds of the ego and achieving a state of inner peace. State of fullness that does not depend on the achievement of certain desires.
We see that the first two levels are shared with animals, while the last two are of a human nature. Money and pleasure often do not save us from insecurity and fear. It is not about despising a prosperous life, but about seeking objectivity about what can make us really happy and what are mere mirages.
Still today, in India, it is not uncommon for someone who enjoys high status upon retirement to withdraw from social life. He can even become a wandering monk or build a hut in the garden of his residence and there dedicate himself to the spiritual life preparing his food and washing his simple clothes. Which means that everything you have done up to then has a value, but now you have to focus on the essential value.
2. Avoid the feeling of failure with realistic expectations
Wanting to achieve success encourages us to get the best of ourselves, to seek new horizons. Studying, learning a trade or practicing a sport necessarily includes that possibility of improvement.
The less pleasant side of the search for success is that psychologically we fall into the trap of believing that not reaching a certain goal automatically implies failure.
I remember the case of a patient who was depressed. When asked about the reason for his condition, he confessed that it was because he considered himself unintelligent. He was a person who expressed himself eloquently, so I made him notice my surprise about it, to which he replied that he felt unhappy when compared to the great chess masters …
This may seem exaggerated, but we often feel a sense of failure because we do not distance ourselves from certain expectations. Wanting to dedicate ourselves to something that does not correspond to our abilities or trying to imitate others is a frequent mistake. All that glitters is not gold, nor is success that is sometimes sold as such.
Each of us contemplates life and acts from a certain personal and social position. It is like a great theater in which different characters act.
But in a performance, should he who plays the beggar be considered a worse actor than the one who plays the king?
In sports, another metaphor for life, the Olympic motto “the important thing is to participate” deserves to be considered. Is the athlete who does not reach the finish line first a failure? If you have tried hard and given your best, it is clear that you are a winner.
From this perspective, it could also be considered that winter is a seasonal failure, since life hides and we must shelter ourselves. But, with a broader vision, we can admire its beauty and qualities, in addition to recognizing that it is the prelude to a new spring.
3. Learn to be here and now
Seeking success and at the same time not considering it as the most important thing could be a balanced attitude. As Albert Camus wrote: “Success is easy to obtain, the difficult thing is to deserve it.” How many times does a team play better than the opponent, but he wins after a stroke of fortune. Although this is theoretically a defeat, in reality it is not.
Most of our wishes, whether conscious or unconscious, are often not fulfilled. That seems to be the norm, therefore, better not to get bitter. What those crazy or reasonable desires represent is the possibility to open up to life and actively participate in it, not to be mere spectators. Another possibility is to renounce the incessant chaining of desires, in the sense of knowing that they will never fill us completely.
More than the opinion of others, what matters is what we think of ourselves, because everything changes but the self remains. Being at peace with yourself is important. As Swami Dayananda says:
“If the person feels comfortable being himself, whoever that me is, we can say that that person has been successful.”
It is said that the secret to success is to be in the right place at the right time. For that you have to be prepared and when an opportunity arises, take advantage of it. That is true, but also that being here and now, without having to do something special, is already a success.
Elisabeth Gilbert highlights that in Spain, not only when watching flamenco dance but also in other activities, when someone does something well, is inspired and enjoys it, some viewer exclaims: olé! There is joy and everything is fine in that magical moment. There is always that possibility of simple fulfillment. But if not, he gives us some advice: “Don’t be discouraged, do your job. If it goes well, olé! If not, you tried. But keep dancing …”.
4. Values all the successes, big and small
We have a bad habit of remembering failures and yet we tend to forget about the many successes we have had. We learn to walk, talk or ride a bicycle and those moments were full of happiness, but now we consider them as unimportant facts. We are not able to feel emotion when performing such actions because it has become somewhat mechanical, but we can enjoy them again as if it were the first time.
In that sense, every day there are many successes to celebrate : the sunrise, the voice of your mother or your child through the phone, preparing food for someone, thanking, forgiving, laughing, loving …
Valuing only large projects as important increases the possibility of feeling like a failure if something goes wrong. It is more reasonable to enjoy the simple and diversify the objectives, both in quantity and with respect to time. That way we don’t postpone happy moments to a hypothetical future.
A thermometer to measure whether we have been successful throughout the day is to remember the times we have laughed. Enjoying life means feeling moments of joy, the more the merrier. But also sadness at one point. The worst is indifference.
