The Benefits Of Empathy

Putting ourselves in the place of the other, feeling what others feel, is an exercise in openness to the world that helps us connect with life. It requires mobilizing our own emotions and directing a more understanding look within ourselves. In this way we improve the way we relate inwardly and outwardly.

The certainty that a mother can have of what her baby needs just by hearing her cry, the deep pain that a native of the Amazon feels when tuning in to the suffering of the trees and animals trapped in a fire or the desire that is awakened in the members of a couple before the passion-charged gaze of one of them are, all of them, manifestations of empathy.

What is empathy?

Empathy – from the Greek empatheia , which means “to feel inside” – is a capacity that allows us to participate affectively, usually emotionally, in a reality alien to us.

Its existence was corroborated by the scientific community in the nineties of the last century, after the discovery by the Italian neurobiologist Giacomo Rizzolatti and his team of the existence of “mirror neurons”, which build a bridge from brain to brain and locate two people on the same wavelength, which allows one of them to “feel inside” what the other feels, that is, to empathize with him.

But empathy is not only a reaction that occurs between people, but it is also the support of the ecological feeling that immerses us in what we are part of, nature. Therefore, it allows us to vibrate, tune in to its frequency and get excited with it.

This reaction requires a very complex mechanism that involves both the neuronal movement of the cortical part of our brain, as well as the limbic-emotional substrate and the instinctive-palecortex. In other words, instinct, emotion and consciousness are involved to provide us with an essential and complete perception.

Some people are very empathetic and others … not so much

Although empathy is a common potentiality, not all people develop it equally: rigidity and character coldness – the predominant trait in the society in which we live, as a consequence of its dynamics in relationships and education – considerably limit its operation.

It is important to be very attentive to the age at which the neurophysiological bases of this ability are established, that is, the first two to three years of life.

This is a stage marked by coexistence in intimacy, where mime, tenderness, caresses, glances, tone of voice and respect for the natural rhythm should prevail in the relationships between the small and fundamental circle of its protagonists.

The satisfactory experience of this period of our life facilitates the organization of vital biosystems and of some basic functions that will give our incipient personality a strong foundation to face the next stage, the social one, in a stable and pleasant way.

In fact, in the animal kingdom, when the young express an emotion, the mother must perceive it and react appropriately; otherwise they die.

According to the Dutch primatologist Frans de Waal, it is precisely those appropriate maternal care that stimulate affective attachment and the energetic bond that give rise to empathy.

Following this principle, family and school spaces should be promoted where relationships and communication are established not only from the head, but also from the heart. And, of course, vindicate the social changes necessary to make these places feasible.

Active listening, essential

To gain empathy we must train ourselves in the art of listening; that of our interior, but also that of the other’s speech, letting it invade our being without fear or prejudice, and thus establish a global, deep, functional and, therefore, effective communication.

Likewise, it is essential that we try to reduce work stress as much as possible and break the monotonous daily routine – which subtly, and almost without realizing it, brutalizes our senses and feelings. This implies attending to our needs and our vital rhythm with more determination, taking as a reference not the measured time, but the lived one.

Empathic communication is necessary and beneficial in any area of ​​the human being, from the family and school, to the workplace, and, of course, it is essential in that of health.

The benefits of empathic connection in the couple

It is also a fundamental tool for the psychotherapist, who must exercise and use it both in individual and group intervention, as well as in couple conflicts. Like the one Juan and Amparo lived through.

This couple had several sessions of psychotherapy: they were losing trust in each other and were frequently irritated, to the point of questioning the viability of their relationship. Both listened and made an effort to understand each other’s explanations, but, at the same time, they tended to rationalize and justify all the actions they carried out. And so there was no way forward.

In one of our meetings, I invited them to remain without speaking, looking into each other’s eyes, breathing and trying to feel the other while each kept in touch with their own sensations and moods.

Initially they were not concentrating, laughter, escapist words and other typical responses to a situation arose that is not frequent and creates a certain clumsiness, expectation and not a little anxiety. But when they finally managed to connect from empathy, the emotional reactions came spontaneously.

I then encouraged them to let themselves be carried away by emotions without censoring them. Tears welled up in their eyes, their breathing became more rhythmic and fluid, with less tension and greater abandon. They held hands and a genuine, sincere and desire-filled hug marked the final moment of their experience.

After talking about what had happened, they agreed on the love and acceptance they had felt in the other, which led them to de-dramatize their daily reality and become aware that they wanted to continue together.

They realized that they had to look for spaces to meet and flow from spontaneity, beyond the routine and automaticity of the day to day.

This experience can be reproduced in any space in which it is necessary to face and resolve disagreements, differences and grudges.

Because empathy, both in terms of perceptions and communication, proves to be a valuable tool to improve our relationships and recover our human essence, a guarantee of a harmonious society.

How to enhance empathy?

We can go out to find the benefits of empathy by introducing small changes in life that bring us closer to others.

• Modify our environment. It is important that in family and school spaces the individual rhythm is respected, relationships based on love and tolerance are established and active listening and creativity are promoted.
• Lower the daily rhythm. That means living without haste, according to biological rhythms, being aware of the passage of time and looking for spaces of solitude where to cultivate inner listening through meditation, body awareness and breathing.
• Explore other types of dialogues. To enhance intimacy and non-verbal communication in a group and with the partner, it may be helpful to participate in personal development spaces in which empathy is worked.

• Live without prejudice. It is convenient to exercise listening in relationships, avoiding prejudice, judgment and classifying or labeling people.
• Recreate ourselves in nature. Spend some time staying in it, feeling ourselves and capturing its sounds, aromas, colors …

If we listen to the other without fear or prejudice, communication will be deep, functional and, therefore, effective.