No Time For Anyone? Prioritize Your Relationships

The plane was completely full. In the penultimate row, a busy Isabel, cell phone in hand, frantically answered message after message, even though she knew she wouldn’t be able to send them until she got to the airport. Beside her, an older man was watching her out of the corner of his eye. Isabel, absorbed in her task, did not stop typing on her mobile.

Upon arriving at the airport, they encountered a long queue to hail a taxi. Isabel’s phone rang.

-Yes?

– …

“I’d love to go, but I’m meeting.”

– …

-Yes, I know. I’m failing a lot, but I have a lot of commitments.

The older man was looking at her with interest. A taxi arrived and Isabel, who was still talking, gestured for him to take it. The man dared to suggest:

-I am going downtown. Shall we take it together?

Isabel smiled and climbed up. When he finally hung up, the man introduced himself:

“My name is Max, and from what I’ve seen, I think I’m dealing with someone with a fast-paced social life.”

With an audible sigh, Isabel replied:

“I’m Isabel, and don’t believe yourself.” Yes, I have a lot of commitments and I meet a lot of people, but I don’t meet the people I would like. I just turned down an invitation that I really wanted.

“Time to empty the closet?”

-Sorry?

Max was quick to explain:

– When the clothes closet overflows, it is time to order : get rid of the one that no longer serves us, make room for the new one we need, and carefully take care of the one we like and want the most so that it does not spoil. Well, the same thing happens with our relationships. When they overflow, we have to put them in order: get rid of the ones that don’t give us anything, look for the ones we need and don’t have and – above all – take care of the ones we like the most and want so as not to lose them.

Isabel was looking at Max with a surprised face. He was liking this logic. Max asked him:

– Look at your schedule. Review the last two months. Who have you seen yourself with that you really wanted?

Isabel did, and she didn’t like what she found. Not a dinner with friends. Not a simple coffee. Just a fleeting encounter with a former partner who had come to town.

Max sensed it and didn’t need confirmation. He continued his speech:

“Isabel, our relationships are our lives.” They are largely responsible for our happiness and well-being. But in a world as connected as the one we live in, we have to order them carefully. And make some decisions.

-As which?

“How to put some aside.” Stop dedicating time to relationships that do not contribute anything, to dedicate it to those that do provide us.

Isabel changed her face. She was not at all comfortable with the idea of ​​leaving some relationships. What if at some point he missed them? The more relationships the better, he thought.

Max, as if reading her mind, said.

“Isabel, you probably think you can relate to hundreds of people, which is what you’re doing in your own way.” But that is false. You are connected with hundreds of people, or with thousands if you prefer. But these are not relationships, they are contacts. And by dedicating time and energy to your contacts, you will lose your relationships.

Isabel protested:

“But I love some people very much.” I’m not going to leave them just like that.

“If they are to return, they will return;” and if your story is beautiful, when they return they will do it with force. But today you can’t handle them all.

—And how do I decide which relationships I take care of and which relationships I leave behind?

“Very simple: do the dinner test.”

Isabel was puzzled again. Max enjoyed the scene. It was immediately explained:

“Isabel, I think you’re organizing a big dinner.” Who would you invite for sure? Who would you doubt? Who would you leave out unceremoniously? If you are able to make the list, you are being able to decide which relationships are the ones that really matter to you.

-As simple as that?

—And complicated. Because in a dinner there are those that fit, which are not all.

—But even so, if I think about that dinner, there are commitments that I will feel that I have to invite, because otherwise it would be fatal …

“Yes, and if you do, you’ll be occupying a place setting and leaving out someone you really want.” It’s your dinner, it’s for you to enjoy. Don’t let commitments slip through you.

Isabel was having fun. In his mind he visualized a large table and began to make faces to his guests. Suddenly he said:

“What about the relatives?” There I have no escape …

“Those who fill you must be at that dinner, not those who have to be there.” Regardless of its label. You are not going to kick a relative out of your life, but you can decide what relationship you want with him or her. It does not necessarily have to be a guest at your dinner …

“And in the end, how many guests can I have?”

“You’ll see … but if you don’t have time to speak to them all night, your guests won’t be seated.” We can maintain the number of relationships that we can care for. Actively and realistically. Doing things and keeping the relationship alive. If not, it is better to shorten the list.

“We can maintain the number of relationships that we can nurture. Actively and realistically.”

Isabel was beginning to see it clearly. And mentally reviewing the life he led, he realized that order was urgent. He was determined to act and in the midst of that reflection, he heard Max’s voice that, as if reading his mind again, said:

—And when taking care of relationships, pay attention: because thinking about doing something is not the same as doing it. In relationships it is not worth thinking about meeting. You have to stay.

They reached the center. The taxi stopped and Isabel got out. He paused for a moment to retrieve his suitcase from the trunk, and when he looked up, he could see no sign of Max. It was gone. She asked the taxi driver for him, who looked at her with a puzzled face. He clearly didn’t know who he was talking about.